The modern world is too complicated

It's a sunny Saturday afternoon and Mr Chick and I are hankering after a coffee to sip in the park. He requests a Skinny Mocha Frappacino (me, I'm a gal with simple tastes: blend of day, add your own milk). So I tootle off to Starbucks, where I jostle with the generous helping of foreign tourists who come free with every UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Me (to myself): Skinny. Mocha. Frappacino. Skinny. Mocha. Frappacino. Skinny Mocha...shit! What size?

[Of course, it would be too too simple just to call them Small, Medium and Large, so I have to squint at the board to see what Small is these days. Tall, apparently. Tall is the new Small.]

Me (to myself): Skinny. Mocha. Frappacino. Tall. No, Tall should come first. Tall. Skinny. Mocha. Frappacino.

[Begin to lose the will to live.]

I am then cruelly distracted by the woman in front who is ordering a Venti [default Full Fat] Chocolate Frappacino No Cream (oh, go on, have the cream forgodssakes, I think) and a Tall Americano (mmmm, I could just fancy me one of them...) with shot of [insert implausible flavour] syrup.

Jeeez, what did Mr Chick want??

Er...Mocha! Skinny! Um...Frappa...

Barista (no common-or-garden waiters these): Yes?

Me: Um, this bottle of water [I chicken out at the last minute - thinking up two coffee orders might just tip me over the edge] and a [**takes deep breath**]...Frappacino! Mocha! Skinny!

Barista: What si...?

Me: Tall! Tall! Tall!

Barista: So, a Mocha Frap Lite?

Me: What? What? Er, yes. Tall! Did I say Tall? Tall!

[Exchange of notes and coinage acquired through minor win on the lottery as is necessary to buy Starbucks coffee.]

I shift along to the counter and join four others waiting for their orders.

The barista is a very tall Chinese guy with a hard-to-decipher accent. Not a great start. Imagine myself walking away with a Camomile Tea (Grande) owing to sudden attack of English embarrassment.

Barista: Mokk' Frap Lite?

Me: Yeeeeeeeeees!

[Wipes away cold sweat beads on forehead, grabs coffee and gets the heck outta there.]

How did coffee-buying get so darn complicated?